A Rocky Path Page 7

  Later that evening, she borrowed Rebecca’s car and went to the hospital. When she walked in, Jamie’s eyes widened a little, then he turned away from here.

  “Why are you here?” he asked.

  “I’m here because I think we need to talk. Please look at me, Jamie.”

  He turned to her. His eyes were red as if he had been crying earlier.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked.

  “I’m better. They’re watching me for a few more hours, and then I’m going home.”

  “I’m glad you weren’t hurt worse.”

  “I see you haven’t told everyone what happened yet. What are you waiting for? I know what I did was horrible and I deserve for everyone to know and hate me for it. I have really blown it now.”

  Emily sighed. “Jamie, the only person I talked to about this was Sam. And he isn’t telling anyone else.”

  Puzzled, Jamie asked, “Why would you keep this to yourself? I tried to rape you! I could pretend that wasn’t my intention, but that wouldn’t be the truth. If that man hadn’t pulled me away from you, I would have hurt you. I’m a mean, nasty drunk and I know what I’m capable of when I’m drinking. My life is over now.”

  Emily walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. She took his hand in hers. He tried to pull it away, but she held onto it.

  “Jamie, I know what you did was wrong. It was a horrible thing. I was more scared last night than I’ve ever been in my life. I knew you were going to hurt me and I was helpless to stop you. But you were drunk and didn’t know what you were doing. The worst thing that you did was start drinking in the first place. Why did you do that?”

  Jamie looked away. “I was feeling sorry for myself because I wanted you, but you didn’t want me. The alcohol was available last night. All I had to do was walk up to the bar and get what I wanted.”

  “Rebecca should never have served alcohol last night. It was too tempting!”

  “Don’t blame her, Emily. I’m responsible for myself. She has had these parties before and I have never touched it.”

  “Then it’s my fault,” she whispered, tears starting in her eyes.

  “You aren’t to blame! Now stop that. It’s not your fault you couldn’t feel about me the way I do about you. Maybe you shouldn’t have kissed me that one night, but I shouldn’t have taken a kiss to mean everlasting love, either. And taking that first drink was my choice; nobody forced me to do it. I know drinking isn’t the way to deal with rejection.”

  “Jamie, I really did want to care about you the way you do about me. I tried, but every time…I don’t know, it just wasn’t right between us.”

  “Is there someone else in your life? Someone you have feelings for? Maybe that guy that kicked my butt, for instance.”

  Emily sighed. “I don’t know, Jamie. Maybe. But I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

  He accepted that. “So, you aren’t going to tell Rebecca what really happened?”

  “No, and I don’t want you to say anything, either. I told them that you were drunk, fell, and hit your head. What did you tell them earlier today?”

  “I just told them I didn’t want to talk about it. I had no idea what you had told them, so I wasn’t going to say anything until I knew for sure.”

  “Well, Sam knows everything, so let’s just keep it all a secret between the three of us.”

  “Four,” Jamie reminded her.

  “Yes, four.”

  “So, the real question is….do you forgive me for what I did? I know I have no right to even ask that. I appreciate the fact that you aren’t telling what I did, but that still doesn’t mean you’ve forgiven me. I don’t know what I would do if you hated me for this.”

  Emily smiled at him. “I forgive you, Jamie. I know that would sound weird to anyone who knew what happened. And I’ll remember how scared I was for a long time. But I also know that wasn’t the real you last night. I know there’s much more to you than that. You made a big mistake when you took your first drink last night. And it could have been much worse if my friend hadn’t come along when he did. I don’t know how easily I could have forgiven you then. But I don’t want you to ruin your life over one mistake. You almost did that once and you worked hard to overcome the guilt. I don’t want you to harbor guilt over this. Just put it behind you. And if you ever take another drink, so help me, I will throw you into the rose bushes myself. I just have to work out a little more first.”

  He smiled at her and held out his arms. She hesitated at first, still feeling a little uncomfortable with close contact with him, but then she relented and hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek.

  “Rebecca or Sam will be here this evening to pick you up when you’re released. I’ll see you back at the house.”

  He grabbed her hand as she started to move away. “Emily, you don’t know how much it means to me that you have given me a second chance. I will never touch another drop of alcohol as long as I live. I promise.”

  “That’s good enough for me,” she said. Then she turned and walked away, leaving him shaking his head at her kindness.

  When she got back to the car, she put her head down on the steering wheel and started crying. This was just all too much, and it was all coming down on her at once. She was still reeling from the knowledge that Patrick had lied to her about his family, and she knew she had to confront him about it tonight if she was going to have any peace. And the realization of just what could have happened last night if Patrick hadn’t been there was just starting to hit her. Her emotions were kicking in and she just needed to cry.

  She had a pity party for about fifteen minutes, and then she dried her eyes and started the car. She was a strong woman and she wasn’t going to let any of this get her down. Jamie was ok, and nothing serious had happened that he couldn’t fix. And there had to be a perfectly good explanation for why Patrick lied to her. Everything was going to be fine.

  * * *

  When she got back to the house, Emily went downstairs to the room where she had found the paintings. She studied the painting of the blond woman. She was so beautiful! Emily wondered what her name was. Was this the woman who had written the letters? And, if so, who was her lover? It almost sounded like, from the journal she had read, that two men in this mystery may have been brothers. Emily was getting more and more involved in this mystery. She considered the possibility that she was so enamored with this story because her real life was becoming so complicated. It was nice to involve herself in someone else’s life, especially if it kept her from worrying too much about her own. She went over to the picture of the man who was identical to Patrick. Who was this man? Was he the blond woman’s lover? Or was he possibly the one who was being betrayed? Obviously there were three people in this mystery. Emily knew she would go crazy if she didn’t find out more about these people.

  Emily went up to her room and picked up the card Jarrod Connelly had given her. She dialed his number to set up an appointment with him for lunch the next day. Maybe he could give her some information about the house and its former occupants. She looked forward to talking to the old man. He seemed to be pleased that she was interested in the history of the house and readily agreed to meet her for lunch.

  Emily told Rebecca that she wanted to take a long lunch the next day because she was going to visit the historian. Rebecca was happy to let her do it because she was curious about the house as well.

  “Rebecca, why didn’t you ever try to find out more about the house?” asked Emily.

  “Well, I didn’t get embroiled in a mystery like you did, so there wasn’t anything that really made me curious. I guess I was so wrapped up in my writing, I didn’t think about it much. But now that you have found the letters, journals and paintings, my curiosity has been stirred up.”

  “I‘ll let you know what I find out.”

  “I’ll be anxious to see if you learn anything. Hey, it’s time for Sam and me to go pick up Jamie. Sally is coming, too. You want to come? While
we are out, we can all have dinner.”

  “No, you go on. I think I’ll just hang out here at the house. I’ll make myself a sandwich or something.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  That evening, after she had eaten a cheese sandwich and some chips she had found in the pantry, she pulled a sweater over her t-shirt. She knew it would be chilly. She put on warm socks and her hiking boots. She was ready for her trek down to the rocks, but she kept putting it off. There was just so much to deal with. Patrick had been so hot and cold with her. That’s why she had stopped going down there. Then when he saw she was being attacked, he acted like a protective lover. She wondered if he had decided to come to the party or if he was just checking up on her.

  And then there was the portrait. It was titled “Self Portrait”, but no one had signed it. She was sure it was one of the McCullochs. The man in the painting was the very image of Patrick. Which means he had to be a descendant. That meant that Patrick had lied to her about who he was. Why would he do that?

  She really dreaded going down there and confronting him. She had no idea what she was going to say. It would be so much easier if she didn’t have these feelings for him. Emily knew she was in love, but also knew that Patrick couldn’t be good for her. Not if he was going to lie to her. And besides that, he didn’t care for her that way, so it was useless to dwell on that, anyway. But she needed some answers, regardless of how tonight turned out.

  She made her way down the path and sat on a rock. Patrick wasn’t there yet. Unless he wasn’t coming at all. But he had asked her to come so they could talk about what had happened at the party.

  “Hello, Emily.”

  He must have come up while she was sitting here thinking and worrying. He sat down beside her.

  “Hi, Patrick,” she said softly.

  He looked at her for a minute, then reached out and brushed back her hair, a gesture that confused her. Every time he touched her like this, she got her hopes up, only to be let down again. She jumped up quickly from the rock before her body betrayed her and decided on its own to stay beside him. She had to have some answers.

  “I really need to talk to you, Patrick.”

  “That’s why we are here, isn’t it? So we could talk about what happened. Because you need to know why I got so angry and did what I did?”

  “I need to know a lot of things, but that’s a good question to start with. Why did you do it? Why did you rescue me? Was it only because you were feeling chivalrous or was it because you cared what happened to me? I know that you would have come to the rescue of any woman who was in danger, but you were so angry!”

  Patrick sighed. “Emily, I would have helped any woman in the same situation. But I probably would have kept my cool if it had been anyone else. When I saw that he was hurting you, I had murder in my heart. It had been a long time since I had felt that kind of rage. In fact, until I met you, it had been a long time since I had felt anything.”

  She sat back down beside him. She touched his arm tentatively, wondering if he would pull away. Emily never knew what to expect from this man.

  “Patrick, what kind of feelings do you have for me? I need to know the truth because I know you have lied to me about other things.”

  “What other things?” he asked.

  “Let’s save that one for a few minutes. First, I want to know what kind of feelings you have for me that made you hurt Jamie.”

  Patrick picked up her hand and traced the lines in her palms. She shivered, surprised that the small gesture affected her so strongly. Her body always reacted to him in ways that she had never reacted to other men.

  “Emily, I want to tell you so many things. Especially about how I feel about you. But there is so much that you can’t possibly understand. You don’t know me, not really. I could be dangerous to you…especially to your heart.”

  “Patrick, what could possibly be so bad that you can’t tell me? I wish you trusted me more.”

  “I do trust you, Emily. You are the first woman I have let get this close to me in many years.”

  “Someone hurt you badly, didn’t they, Patrick? You’re afraid to really feel something, aren’t you?”

  He lifted her palm to his mouth and kissed it softly. Then he traced his tongue along the same lines that his fingers had traced earlier. She felt her heart leap up into her throat. She was filled with so much emotion that she was close to tears.

  “Sweet Emily. In some ways you are so innocent and trusting. I bet you went to the hospital and saw that maniac that tried to rape you. You forgave him, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

  “You are such a kind and loving woman, ready to think the best of everyone. Please don’t give your heart to me, Emily. I can’t keep it safe. And I don’t deserve it.”

  “Patrick, please. Don’t shut me out. I need you to talk to me and make me understand how you feel.”

  He placed the palm of her hand against his face and closed his eyes. There was so much pain in his expression that her heart went out to him.

  Then he let go of her hand and looked away from her, his eyes looking out over the water. She waited for him to speak, but he didn’t say anything.

  She took a deep breath and said, “Ok, Patrick, let’s talk about how you lied to me.”

  He looked at her then. “What have I lied to you about?”

  “You are part of the McCulloch family that lived in this house. You told me that it was just a coincidence. Why would you have lied about something like that?”

  Patrick paled visibly. He stood up and walked away from her, turning his back to her.

  “I can’t tell you. It’s a long story and not one I can talk about.”

  Emily jumped up, exasperated. “What is it with you? Do you honestly think you could tell me anything about yourself that would shock me? I’m twenty-nine years old and I’m not that naïve.”

  Patrick laughed without humor. “You have no idea what you are saying. I could tell you things that would shock you to the core. I could make you run back up to your safe, big house and never look back at me.”

  “No, Patrick. I don’t believe that. I know you are a good man and would never hurt me. What could you possibly tell me that would frighten me into flight? I would stick by you if you would just tell me the truth.”

  “I’m sorry, Emily. I just don’t think you can handle the truth.”

  Emily had big tears running down her face now. Patrick looked at her and his face softened as if he was sorry for causing her pain.

  “Please don’t cry, Emily. I can’t bear to see you hurting like this.”

  He reached out and wiped her tears away with his fingertips. Then he brushed his lips gently across her cheeks as if to kiss her pain away. Her stomach fluttered.

  “Patrick,” she whispered. She reached up and put her arms around his neck. Then she gently kissed him, half expecting him to pull back. He returned her kiss for a minute, then pulled away enough to look at her. His eyes were dark with desire and she knew he wanted her. But instead of kissing her again, he pulled her against his chest and held her tightly.

  “Emily, my love, you don’t know how hard it is to try to protect my heart from you. I could just let myself go and drown in your love. It would be so easy to do. But I can’t let that happen. You would only be hurt in the long run and I couldn’t bear to be the cause of your pain.”

  “You are the cause of my pain right now,” she protested. “How can it be worse than this?”

  “Let me ask you a question, Emily. How did you know I was part of the McCulloch family?”

  She pulled away from him. “Why are you changing the subject?”

  “I’m not, really. It’s all part of the same problem. Tell me.”

  Emily looked at him with hurt in her eyes. “I found a picture, a self portrait. The man in the picture looks exactly like you! You have to be a descendant.”

  “Where did you find it?”

  “In some old thi
ngs that were left in the house.”

  “And did you find that silver ring with those things, too?”

  Emily frowned. “Yes. What does that have to do with anything? How did you know?”

  “I know about all those things. I know about this house.”

  “Did you and the rest of your family have a falling out or something? What could have made you lie to me? And what could be so bad that you can’t even allow yourself to love someone?”

  “Emily, I am not going to talk about this anymore. I told you that you couldn’t handle the truth. I meant that.”

  “I guess there’s nothing I can say or do to change your mind, is there?”

  “I’m afraid not. I truly would love to let myself feel the way you want me to. I would love to let you love me the way you want to. But I am protecting you. Always remember that. I’m not being selfish…I’m being sensible. I want you to be happy and there’s no way you can be happy with me. I promise you that.”

  “I need to go. I need to think. I’ll see you down here tomorrow evening.”

  “No, Emily, I won’t be here.”

  Her heart sank and she had a sick feeling in her stomach.

  “Patrick, don’t do this to me. Please let me at least see you. I won’t ask anything else of you, just your company. It’s enough.”

  “No, you know it’s not enough. It will never be enough. The only way for you to get over your feelings for me is for me to stay away. I’m not coming back.”

  “I can’t change your mind, can I?”

  “No, love, you can’t. You have touched me, I can assure you of that. I will never forget you and how you made me feel alive again. But we can’t see each other again. Goodbye, Emily.”

  With tears streaming down her face, she turned and ran across the rocks and up the steps as fast as she could. When she got into the house, she ran, sobbing, up the stairs and into her room. She wept uncontrollably until she was exhausted. She fell asleep on top of the covers, fully clothed and didn’t wake up until late the next morning.